You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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