She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
