pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
