I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
