New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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