yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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