My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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