i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
third nipple confirmed
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
