If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
