Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
