I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
