Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
