My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
