I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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