Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
