the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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