please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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