Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
