guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
