she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
