It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
