fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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