you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have post one night stand depression
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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