i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
