i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
