I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
