what day is it and did you see me today?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
NoShamevember. You game?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
