it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
