Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
