we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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