I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
