she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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