We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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