well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
