the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
