We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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