So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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