I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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