dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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