maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
