You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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