dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
