You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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