in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
