don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
