i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
