do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
