My Higher Power is John Stamos
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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