what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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