I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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