I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she told me i tasted like america
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
