real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
