I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
