if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
