The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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