Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
