whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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