I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
