You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
