Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
