so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
