well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
